I must be too young (for once)

Over the weekend I watched the dramatization of the events surrounding the 1960s terrorist group the Red Army Faction (also known as the Baader-Meinhof Group) in the film The Baader Meinhof Complex. I had some vague impression that they had perhaps set off some bombs in Germany in the 1960s, but I had no idea of the extent of their activities. While their many atrocities were shown during the film, their motivations, goals and backgrounds were all left out. Since the film is German, I assume the director thought that the audience would be familiar with the events in the film. For someone who didn't grow up in that era or that country, it was all somewhat confusing.

The story starts with some student protests at universities in Germany in the late 1960s. Like most students at the time, they were upset with the events taking place in Viet Nam. Ulrike Meinhof was a journalist, somewhat older than the other members of the group. She was also married and had two children. She starts off as a somewhat fringe follower of the group, but makes a snap decision to go with the fleeing members after they break a prisoner out of jail. After that, she is part of the group.

It was difficult to follow who all the members of the group were, apart from the 3 main characters: Ulrike Meinhof, Andreas Baader and Gudrun Ensslin. There were always plenty of other people milling about, but none of them really stood out. What was never explained was why the group came to be known as the Baader Meinhof Group. Andreas Baader was extremely hostile and contemptuous toward everyone, but especially toward Ulrike Meinhof. It seems strange that their names are linked forevermore in that way. It's also difficult to understand how Meinhof became such a fanatical follower of the group that she was willing to have her children sent to a Palestinian orphanage and to never see them again.

The members of the group were forever spouting off about wanting to help oppressed people and ending imperialism. How they planned to do that through robbing banks and bombing department stores was never explained. They seemed to have no means of support (the bank robbing took place pretty far into the course of events), yet they were forever flying off to be trained in terrorism methods in places like Jordan. The "terrorists" came across as terribly rude, shallow and unaware. The German girls delighted in sunbathing in the nude in full view of their Arab hosts in Jordan. Baader thinks it's hilarious to pick pockets of innocent pedestrians, but he goes ballistic when someone steals his car. And so on.

The group eventually becomes involved in more and more extreme activities. In addition to their bombing and bank raiding activities, they were also implicated in the murders of the Israeli athletes at the 1972 Munich Olympics, a plane hijacking, murders, assassinations, and so on. What was really strange was that much of the German public at the time apparently supported the group and their anarchistic activities. When the main members of the group are captured and put on trial, their every utterance is met with cheers from the courtroom spectators. And I didn't get the impression that all the spectators were their fellow Red Army Faction members, either. There has been some speculation that the public support for the group stemmed from leftover feelings of guilt and mistrust for authority in the aftermath of World War II. Whatever the cause, it was very strange.

The trial sequences were also unusual. There never seemed to be any lawyers present or speaking for either the prosecution or the defendants. The courtroom scenes basically showed one of the four defendants railing about how their rights were being ignored and how the trial was a farce. The defendants also engaged in the very adult pursuit of calling the judges rude names. It might have been easier to feel sorry for the poor prisoners if it didn't seem as if they were receiving extremely favorable treatment in jail. They all had very nice and large cells, complete with color TVs, bookcases, typewriters and other amenities. They were all allowed to meet, apparently for most of the day together, and seemed to have adjacent cells (the men and the women all together on the same floor).

I could just never get what it was all about. Not why the group embarked on its murderous, destructive mission, nor what their defence was during the trials, nor what rights of their were supposedly being violated. None of it made any sense. The film seemed to end rather abruptly with the deaths (suicides?) of the four main characters. While they were in jail, the outside members of the group were committing more atrocities. Whatever happened to them? Nothing is mentioned. It's as if the group stopped with the leaders' deaths, but this was clearly not the case.

I enjoyed the film for showing the events surrounding the group, even if I don't really understand what was going on. Still, it's an interesting snapshot of a point in history that I'm too young to remember.

Final Verdict for The Baader Meinhof Complex: Two Gherkins, for being a vivid, if somewhat confusing, depiction of a turbulent time in German history

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My ready wead

I still remember my first exposure (if you will) to Russell Brand. I was vacationing in London and leafing through the complimentary copy of The Guardian newspaper while eating breakfast. Most of the articles had small journalist photos next to them. Sort of like this guy's (just for illustrative purposes). So anyway, I'm half asleep, buttering my toast and leafing through the newspaper when I turn the page, and the journalist's photo next to a column appears to be that of a pirate. As all of the other journalist photos were, well, somewhat bland, suddenly seeing a pirate fixing you with his steely glare was somewhat alarming. Of course, I had to read the accompanying column. I don't remember what it was about at all, but I do remember that it was hilarious. I knew I had to do some further research on this Russell Brand bloke when I got back to the US.

At this point, he was still doing a radio show, so I listened to some of the programs and found them to be quite funny -- once I got over the somewhat jarring (on first listen) Essex accent! Of course, I knew that he'd had quite the history with drug and sex addiction, so I was interested to read his account of his early years in My Booky Wook.

Let's just say that Russell likes to share. A bit too much. I would think that when writing our memoirs, most of us would want to paint ourselves in the most positive light, or leave out anything too embarrassing. Using that as a guideline, I'd hate to find out what was deemed "too outrageous" for this book!

Brand was born in the Essex town of Grays in 1975. His parents split up almost immediately, so he came from the requisite "dysfunctional family situation." His father was never in the picture much, and his mother had frequent bouts of cancer which required young Russell to be packed off to relatives. Eventually, his mother remarried, and, unsurprisingly, the step-father isn't too keen on Russell. There are boarding schools, borderline sexual abuse (not by the step-father), and random acts of cruelty from adults (this was by the step-father, among others). All of this added up to a young man who was cripplingly insecure (believe it or not) and generally unhappy. Luckily, in secondary school he participated in a play where he discovered his love of performing.

Between that first stage experience and his more recent success, however, there were many bumps along the road: multiple arrests (shoplifting and drugs), semi-homelessness, addiction, bouts self-harming, expulsions from stage schools, etc. All of these events are related in a way that seems to show that Brand has distanced himself from destructive behavior like that, while at the same time seeming to indicate that this behavior was perfectly normal and natural at the time. He does come across as extremely non-judgemental, to the point of continually being astounded that others take offense at his sometimes outrageous behavior.

He also relates his experiences with drugs, particularly heroin, as well as his downward spirals which led to separate stays in rehab facilities for drugs and sex-addiction. He had already achieved some success on television and as a stand-up performer before an agent forced him into rehab. It was interesting to me that it seemed as if everything "took" on the first try. For someone who had lived most of his life to that point as an addict, it seems amazing that Brand was able to beat his addictions fairly quickly. It seems as if his determination to succeed in his career was enough of a motivating factor for him to resist relapse.

The book is very funny in some parts and is clearly written in Brand's style. It is an enjoyable, if somewhat eye-opening, read!
Final Verdict for My Booky Wook: Three Gherkins, for being an engaging look at a unique performer

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All a bit quick, innit?

The 4 part drama Love on a Branch Line is obviously supposed to be a hilarious look at the uptight white collar worker Jasper Pye as he encounters the wacky inhabitants of Arcady Hall. Instead, it turns out to be a somewhat slow moving story with beautiful scenery. While not much happens, at least the background is very pretty!

In early 1950s England civil servant Jasper has reached a crossroads. He overhears a girlfriend calling him dull, and he decides to tell his mother (with whom he lives) that he's going to quit his job and move to France to become a painter. Before he's able to take this rash step, however, his boss sends him on a mission to close an obscure government department. During the war, the Department of Output Statistics was established to monitor foreign publications and gather information from them. In the intervening years, the 3 person office located in the stately Arcady Hall has been allowed to muddle on without much oversight or direction. The government has decided that the work of the Output Statistics office is done, but they want to send out an officer to confirm it.

Jasper, somewhat of a wishy-washy (as well as dull) character, is bullied into taking the assignment. Once he arrives in town, he quickly becomes acquainted with the odd characters who live and work in Arcady Hall. This consists mostly of the eccentric Lord and Lady Flamborough and their 3 sex-crazed daughters. Lord Flamborough is obsessed with trains, to the point of buying a train, moving in, and having his daughter Chloe drive him back and forth along a disused rail line. His wife is obsessed with gardening, to the point of not caring that her daughters are all to some degree cavorting with any male that comes into their line of sight.

The daughters are all unpleasant. Chloe, the eldest, is married to the perpetually drunken Lionel. She is hardworking, uncomplaining and not inclined to do anything about her unhappy marriage. She is also open to any sort of comforting that passing strangers might offer, as Jasper is pleased to note. The middle daughter, Belinda, is the most outrageous. She is flirtatious to the point of stripping off at the drop of a hat in front of male visitors and running about the grounds of the stately home naked. The youngest daughter, Matilda, is also apparently sex-crazed, although in her case it is explained by her obsession with reading lurid bodice-rippers. Of course, none of these women can keep their hands off the bemused Jasper.

The three person Output Statistics department also proves to be somewhat single-minded. "The Professor" is in charge of the department, but he seems to spend most of his time gardening. Quirk, the "statistician," is only concerned with the local cricket grounds and arranging matches. Miss Mounsey, the secretary, appears to be working, but she is quick to try to distract Jasper whenever he asks to see files or samples of her work.

Once the cast of characters has been introduced, we get 4 episodes of the same thing over and over: the daughters chasing Jasper (from the moment he arrives), the mother gardening, the father on the train, Lionel drinking, etc. The pace of each episode is glacially slow, even though the events were only supposed to occur over 3 or 4 days. While the 3 department employees attempt to distract Jasper from his inspection of their duties, he does rather abruptly come to a decision about their futures at the end of the final episode.

While there is a resolution that was supposed to be satisfactory for everyone, it did leave a lot of questions unanswered. With 4 episodes they could have spent more time explaining some of the loose threads, and less time with the daughters climbing all over Jasper (we got it the first 395 times!). The beautiful "Arcady Hall" and the well-kept grounds were lovely to look at as not much happened, though . . .
Final Verdict for Love on a Branch Line: Two Gherkins, for a not very exciting story told with an amazing backdrop

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Now I know

While browsing at a bookstore in London last year, I became interested in a small volume titled I Never Knew That About London. Because I already had a teetering pile of books that I was planning to buy, I simply wrote down the ISBN, confident that I could purchase it when I got back home. Much to my dismay, I found that it was only available as an e-book, or as an import. I was planning to go ahead and buy it, or perhaps put it on my shopping list for my next trip. I was recently browsing the Travel section of my beloved McKay's Used Bookstore when what did my disbelieving eyes spy, but a copy of the much sought-after book. And in pristine condition! And a bargain at only $10! It really was my lucky day!

I've been reading this little gem for the past few days, and it's just as wonderful as I thought it would be. The author has a real love and admiration for the city, and it shines through in his descriptions of places that can be seen today, as well as those that are no longer around.

The book is divided into sections: City of London, City of Westminster, East, West and South. There is also a gazetteer at the back of the book detailing places mentioned in the text, their associated websites, nearest tubes, opening hours and so on. I know I've made a list of places I'd never heard of before that I plan to visit on my next trip!

There is also an interesting "I Never Knew That About . . ." section at the end of each chapter, which frequently highlights famous people who lived in the area. The book is packed with interesting facts, such as the one about how most countries outside of the British isles drive on the right because Napoleon was left-handed. I also had no idea that No. 10 Downing Street has over 160 rooms. It looks just like a regular house on TV! The book also explains the origins of many of well-known phrases such as "to spend a penny" and where the measurement for "one foot" came from. Fascinating!

If there is any quibble with the book, it is that the illustrations (drawn by the author's wife Mai Osawa) are not all identified, and so sometimes it can be difficult to figure out which building that is being discussed is shown. That's just a minor quibble, however, in an otherwise outstanding and fact-filled book.

Final verdict for I Never Knew That About London: Five Gherkins, for being a beautiful and loving portrait of a vibrant city

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Nothing warm or fuzzy in this story

I decided to give Mo Hayder another chance, after being less than thrilled with her novel The Birdman. Her next novel in the series, The Treatment, again features the tortured main character of DI Jack Caffery, and the events take place shortly after the conclusion of the last book. Unfortunately, I didn't find the characters any more endearing in this outing.

This book is hard to like given the main topic of the book (pedophilia) and with each character being more unlikeable that the last. In this story, entire families are held hostage by an insane villain. It's up to Caffery to figure out who the bad guy is, as well as attempt to find out who the next target family is. Caffery is also (as always) still wrestling with the disappearance of his older brother over 25 years ago. Naturally, he thinks one of the members of the child pornography ring has information about his missing brother.

Once again, we are asked to overlook some extreme and bizarrely illogical events in the story. There are some gripping events, but for the most part the situations and characters are just too unrealistic to make for a good mystery. I've read that the later Caffery books deal with "African black magic," so at least I'll have absolutely no desire to read those. I think Ms. Hayder and I can come to a parting of the ways right now.

Final verdict for The Treatment: Two Gherkins, for some suspenseful moments, but an overall frustrating story

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It was actually rather dim

Given my love of all things British, here I was thinking that the film Bright Star about the star crossed romance between the poet John Keats and his unfortunately-named lady love, Fanny Brawne, would be right up my alley. And it might have been, too, except for the fact that the film is so dreadfully, unrelentingly, excruciatingly SLOOOOWWWW. It takes and absolute age for every scene to play out, and the characters are forever pausing to recite examples of Keats' poems -- long, drawn-out, unabridged versions of his poems.

The story concerns the meeting and short courtship of the two lovers. Fanny's mother rented half a house that was also being occupied by Keats and his friend and fellow poet, Mr. Brown. The two poets seem to spend most of their time shut up in the library, waiting for inspiration to strike. Fanny, on the other hand, is given to outrageous fashions that she creates herself for her frequent visits to dances. How the two of them fell in love is still something of a mystery. At any rate, before long they are casting simpering glances at each other, much to the disgust of Mr. Brown.

We are told frequently how Keats has no money, and his published collections of poems are tepidly received by the critical and reading public. There is one slight mention of his ability to slave away at medicine if he chooses, but apparently he'd rather sit around and wait to be inspired. Due to his lack of funds, he's constantly at the mercy of admiring friends, who arrange stays for him at various locations. These separations, generally not long lasting, always throw Fanny into fits of hysteria and tears, although she's apparently contented enough to exchange letters with Keats during his absences.

Keats loses a brother to consumption, but he doesn't himself appear to be ill until he rides back to Hampstead from London on the outside of a coach during a rainstorm in the middle of winter. He was nothing if not practical, that Keats fellow! After that, he begins coughing blood, and, well, it's pretty much downhill from there. His friends convince him to accept a trip to Rome to avoid a damp English winter which would surely finish him off. Fanny, as usual, has hysterics, but Keats somewhat pacifies her with an apparent engagement.

Off he goes, and there are a few letters, but they eventually get word that Keats has died. Fanny once again has a breakdown (with good reason, this time) and starts wearing black. When the film ends, we're informed that she spent a lot of time wandering through Hampstead Heath for the rest of her life. Not a word was mentioned about her subsequent marriage and the birth of her three children. Guess it would have ruined the whole "pining away for love" aspect of the story.

The biggest mystery of all is what attracted these two to each other. Keats came off as impractical, wishy-washy and generally helpless. Fanny loved dancing and parties, so why she wanted to hang around with that sour-sack is a mystery. If Keats had lived, I doubt their union would have been happy, although they did appear quite devoted at the time.

Still, since their story was somewhat abbreviated, I guess the filmmakers had to drag it out as long as possible. In that, they succeeded handsomely.

Final Verdict for Bright Star: Two Gherkins, for some lovely scenery, but not much of a story

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Check out this bad boy!

I've long been an admirer of the Peter Robinson Inspector Banks series. The stories take place in Yorkshire and concern the music-loving police inspector and his many cases. I was thrilled to receive an advanced copy of the latest book in the series, Bad Boy, which will be released in the US on August 24.

As the book opens, Inspector Alan Banks is taking a holiday from his duties at the Eastvale police station. This is a great pity, because a woman arrives asking specifically to speak to Banks. Juliet Doyle is a former neighbor of Banks', and she had a rather delicate matter to discuss with him. Since he's gone, she is persuaded to speak instead with Annie Cabbot, who is a colleague and former lover of Banks. Juliet says that she's found a gun in her daughter's room, and she needs to know what to do about it. This is where it becomes interesting for an American reader to notice the differences between gun laws in the US and the UK. Apparently, just possessing a firearm in the UK means an automatic 5 year prison term. No doubt Juliet was hoping her friend Banks could advise her on how to turn the gun in without getting her daughter into trouble. Annie, however, feels compelled to report the situation to her supervisor. From then on, things go terribly wrong.

Juliet's husband and their daughter Erin are at home, waiting for Juliet and Banks to arrive and deal with the gun situation. Instead, almost an entire police squad descends on the house to confiscate the dangerous weapon. In the course of the confusion, Juliet's husband Patrick is shocked by the police with a taser and subsequently dies in the hospital.

It soon emerges that Erin, the girl with the gun, is sharing a house with two other girls. One girl, Rose, has only just moved in, but the other girl "Francesca" has been Erin's friend since childhood. Francesca turns out to be Banks' daughter, Tracy. Once Tracy hears about the problems at Erin's parents' house, she immediately rushes to tell Erin's boyfriend, Jaff. Jaff is the "bad boy" in the title of the book.

Jaff is the one Erin took the gun from, after a heated argument. After Tracy informs him of the current situation, Jaff tells her they must find a place to lie low until they can leave the country. At first, Tracy thinks this is a marvelously fun idea. She's resentful of her absentee father, and feels like her job working in a bookstore is a disappointment to her parents. She knows her father is out of the country on vacation, so she immediately suggests that they hide out in his isolated country house for a few days. Jaff, extremely paranoid, takes her mobile phone from her "so they can't be traced." She still thinks she's on an adventure until a few days later when she opens Jaff's bag in an attempt to retrieve her phone. She discovers a huge amount of cash, another gun, and what appears to be massive amounts of drugs. At approximately the same time, Jaff, looking through papers in the house, discovers that Tracy is a policeman's daughter. If she wasn't before, Tracy is now officially Jaff's hostage and bargaining chip. As they are getting ready to flee the house to go to London, Annie Cabbot shows up to water the plants.

Banks arrives back in England only to be met with the news of everything that has been happening. He must attempt to track down Jaff before he decides to get rid of Tracy permanently. There is also a major crime boss that Banks suspects of being the source of the guns, but he is unable to prove anything.

I must admit that I haven't read the books in order, or probably even all of the books in the series, so there were things that were mentioned from time to time that were unfamiliar to me. This book also has the recurrent theme of all of the characters (especially Banks) needing to inform the reader what music they are listening to at all times. It's rather funny to be enlightened as to the soundtrack of a hostage situation/car chase.

Final Verdict for Bad Boy: Three Gherkins, for being a page-turning and action-filled episode in the Inspector Banks saga

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Skip the book, take in the market instead!

Ruth Rendell has always been one of my favorite authors. I'd wait anxiously for the newest release from her, whether it was from the Inspector Wexford series, or one of her "one off" novels. I recently read The Monster in the Box, which she has said will be the last Wexford novel. I love the characters in the Wexford books, and I've enjoyed keeping up with their lives throughout the 22 novels featuring the characters. However, I did feel that the last few Wexford novels were just not up to the standards of the earlier books. Rendell did keep the events current, dealing with such topics as infertility, modern day slavery and so on, but I felt the later novels were stretching the bounds of credulity a bit too much to be enjoyable.

I was therefore pleased to find out that she'd released a new non-series book, Portobello. I waited and waited and waited for the book to become available in the U.S. She is such a popular writer, I reasoned, surely it will be on sale here soon. Last May, when I was in London, I went into a bookstore and actually held the coveted book in my hands. I thumbed through it lovingly, skimming the text and carried it around for a while, fully intending to buy it. By the time I got ready to leave the bookstore, though, I had already grabbed more books than I could comfortably handle, and I was worried about paying surcharges for overweight luggage. Thinking again that surely the book would be released in the US soon, I reluctantly culled it from my stack of purchases.

Fast forward a year: still no Portobello release in the US! According to the US amazon.com, there's no scheduled release date. I honestly don't understand it. Still, I'm not one to let a little thing like not being able to buy the book stop me, so I began to scour WorldCat for libraries in the US who might be so kind as to lend me the book. I would like to offer a grateful shout out to the kind folks at the Johnson County Library in Shawnee Mission, Kansas, who came through with the book on Interlibrary Loan. You guys are stars!!!

So, after all that, on to the book. This one is really of more interest than usual to an anglophile such as myself due to the setting alone. The events in the novel take place around the Portobello Road area of London. There are plenty of descriptions not only of the famous market, but also of the pubs and neighborhoods (both good and bad) in the area.

The novel really centers around three characters, and how their lives intersect. First we have Eugene Wren, an art dealer who is living an upper-class life with his doctor fiancee, Ella. Next, we have Ella's patient Joel Roseman, who is slowly sinking into mental illness. Finally, there is the young burglar Lance, who has been reluctantly taken in by a distant relative into a crumbling, decrepit house.

The story begins with Joel being attacked (or more likely, having a panic attack and injuring himself) in the street. He is taken to hospital, but in the upheaval manages to lose an envelope containing 115 pounds. This envelope is found by Eugene. Since Eugene doesn't need the money from this sudden windfall, and since he's frequently seen "lost cat" posters in his neighborhood, he hits on the idea of posting fliers in the area saying he's found a sum of cash "between 90 and 160 pounds" and asking anyone who lost the money to contact him. Naturally, opportunistic Lance sees the notice and immediately decides to try his luck. He contacts Eugene, who asks Lance to come to his house to explain how much money he lost and where he lost it. Now, I know Eugene is supposed to be a somewhat trusting and naive soul, but it makes no sense at all that he wouldn't just ask the person over the phone how much he'd lost, rather than inviting him to his house. Once Lance arrives, he is immediately impressed by the vast art treasures on display in Eugene's house, and he instantly starts working on a plan to break in. He guesses the wrong amount of money for the lost loot, and is shown the door.

At the same time, Eugene has shown a propensity for addictive behavior. He has been able to overcome an addiction to alcohol, but is putting on weight. In an attempt to stop overeating, he begins to buy a new sugar-free candy, Chocorange. In another odd twist in the story, he becomes secretive and ashamed about the candy, hiding massive amounts in his house and inventing excuses to be alone so he can eat them. His hidden addiction nearly costs him everything, and it is inexplicable. Why is he so secretive and ashamed about eating some candy? It's not very believable . . .

Joel is extremely isolated, although he is financially well cared for as his executive father supports him. He becomes overly dependent on Ella, Eugene's fiance, when she visits him in the hospital to deliver the money Eugene found. He continues to call her to his house as his condition worsens. Ella attempts to get him to see therapists and gets carers in to stay with him, but he continues to deteriorate.

In the meantime, Lance is being threatened by the new man in his ex-girlfriend's life. Lance was living with the glamorous Gemma, but he punched her in the mouth when she asked him to get a job. She threw him out, and now Lance is informed he must come up with 1000 pounds to pay for the tooth Gemma lost when he punched her, or else. Lance uses his burglary skills to try to come up with the money. In the meantime, Gemma has come back around and is visiting Lance secretly at his new home with his great uncle. This is yet another twist in the story that doesn't ring true. Gemma is described as looking like Paris Hilton, or as if she just came off a catwalk and lives in an immaculate flat. Why in the world would she want to hook up with a smelly, unemployed, unmotivated man who had already abused her???

There is another unbelievable turn in the story when one of a pair of criminals attempts to convince his cohort in crime that they must go to the police and confess. Why didn't he just go to the police himself???

While there are plenty of bad events and a few deaths in the story, these things end up improving the lives of the people who survive. I just wish the way they got there had been a bit more realistic.

Final verdict for Portobello: Three Gherkins, for a great setting but ultimately peculiar and outlandish plot twists

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Trying to out-Slaughter Karin Slaughter

Let's get one thing straight here: Karin Slaughter is the queen of disturbed killer fiction. No matter how bizarre you make your killer, you just cannot compete with the lineup of weirdos and wackos that populate Grant County, GA. So don't even try. Unfortunately, no one gave this advice to Mo Hayder. Her novel Birdman is an attempt to "out-Slaughter" the reigning mistress of crime by having her victims dispatched in creatively gruesome (if not very believable) ways.

Oh please. While Karin Slaughter can make me squirm in my chair, this book just made me roll my eyes. Not only are the victims killed in a totally illogical and ridiculous manner, but the events take place largely in the lovely area of Greenwich. Call me Pollyanna, but I really don't want to hear about that beautiful site being overrun with strip clubs, junkies and mangled, dumped bodies. OK, so maybe Hayder's vision of Greenwich is closer to reality than mine. I'd prefer to keep my illusions intact, thanks very much!

The book opens with a whole pile of bodies being discovered in a wasteland area in Greenwich. When they are autopsied, many strange things are found. Some of the bodies are quickly identified as strippers and junkies, but some of the victims remain unidentified. Trying to sort out the mess is Detective Jack Caffery. Jack is something of a mess himself. He still lives in his boyhood home, which has many disturbing memories for him. When he was a child, his older brother disappeared after an argument. Jack is convinced that the next door neighbor (who still lives there) is responsible. The neighbor seems to delight in tormenting Jack in whatever way he can. Because Jack is obsessed with proving the neighbor's guilt, he really doesn't have much energy left over for personal relationships. His current girlfriend, Veronica, is pushing to make their relationship permanent, while Jack is looking for a way out. At the same time, he becomes somewhat chummy with one of the former strippers he interviews about the case.

The book does have a somewhat exciting ending, but 3 good pages out of a whole book don't amount to much. There is one huge illogical point in the murders, which I won't give away, but it was enough to ruin the story for me.

Final Verdict for Birdman: Two Gherkins, for a thrilling ending, but an unbelievable buildup to that point

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Nasty Nellie becomes nice

Perhaps I'm dating myself, but I grew up watching Laura, Mary, Ma, Pa and of course the horrible Nellie Oleson on Little House on the Prairie. Imagine my delight when I saw the book Confessions of a Prairie Bitch, written by Alison Arngrim, none other than Nasty Nellie herself! It's been pretty quiet since Nellie married Percival and left Walnut Grove, so I was anxious to find out what she'd been up to . . . torturing small furry creatures, perhaps?

The book is really one of the best celebrity "tell-alls" that I've ever read. She starts off describing her somewhat eccentric parents and her unusual upbringing in Hollywood. Her parents were both in show business, her father as a manager and her mother as a well-known voice artist (she was the voice of Gumby and Casper the Friendly Ghost, among others). While sometimes the family finances were good, just as frequently they were not. This led to a lot of moving around and instability in young Alison's life. Still, this might not have been so terrible had not she been left alone, repeatedly, with her abusive older brother. In addition to abusing drugs, the brother sounds as if he had severe mental problems. Alison gives very frank and vivid details of his prolonged abuse of her. It really was physical and mental torture. The fact that she has come through it such a strong and upbeat person is really amazing!

Since her parents had showbiz connections, both she and her brother were often sent to auditions. She landed the part of Nellie when she was 11 years old. Much of the book deals with her experiences on the set, and boy, are they eye opening! It's very interesting to read about not only her fellow cast mates (more on them later!) but also about how things worked on the set. She is very good at describing her adventures in a hilarious, down-to-earth way. I was really surprised at the lack of safety precautions that were taken during the filming. I guess there weren't too many regulations back then! She describes being flung down a hill in a wheelchair (sans seat belt), thrown into a raging river, dunked in stagnant ponds, etc. with something like wonder that she came through unscathed. I'm sure none of those practices would be allowed using child actors today!

There's plenty of inside gossip about her co-stars. She has only warm and glowing things to say about Melissa Gilbert, who befriended her on the first day and has remained a close friend. Melissa Sue Anderson, on the other hand, was stand-offish and aloof then and still is, apparently. Something about those icy blue eyes would give that one away! Alison also has fond memories of Michael Landon, but she certainly doesn't try to hide his flaws. Many members of the crew also worked with some of Hollywood's biggest stars over the years, so there are some interesting tidbits thrown in here and there about people who weren't on the show, but who are household names.

Sadly, the biggest Little House mystery of all wasn't solved in this book. Mary, throughout the first years of the show, had lovely golden blond hair. Then she went blind, and her hair turned black. What was up with that??? We may never know. I guess some mysteries aren't meant to be solved.

The latter part of the book deals with Alison's life after the show ended. After the death of her co-star and good friend Steve Tracy due to AIDS in the 1980s, she became a tireless volunteer with AIDS organizations. Through that work, she also became involved in Protect, an organization that works to strengthen child abuse laws in California and throughout the US.

I am really a big fan of Alison Arngrim after reading this book. She tells her story with courage and humor. I hope there are more books in the pipeline!

Final verdict for Confessions of a Prairie Bitch: Five Gherkins, for being a funny and fond visit with a childhood icon!

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But sometimes a grumble is necessary!

I was once again drawn in at the local secondhand bookstore by an interesting-looking book with a British connection. In Mustn't Grumble by Joe Bennett, the author (a British born ex-pat living in New Zealand) decides to travel around Britain following the same path H.V. Morton took years earlier and documented in his book In Search of England.

Of course, I would be interested in any book about travel in Britain, but I was especially seduced (and you'd think by now I would have learned my lesson) by all the glowing blurbs on the cover. Among them: "Extremely funny," "A very funny book," A brilliant wit," and "A funny and poignant portrait of Bennett's homeland."

{sigh} I don't know, after seeing all that emphasis on humor, wouldn't you open the book with the expectation that there might be the odd chuckle to be had among the pages??? Maybe the likes of Bill Bryson and J. Maarten Troost have unreasonably raised my expectations in regard to humorous travel books. Suffice it to say, there was nary a giggle to be found in this dreary travel tome.

The author has acquaintances scattered around Britain that he visits throughout his trip, which I'm sure was all very nice for him, but his narratives of the encounters don't exactly make for exciting reading for the uninvolved observer. He's also inordinately fond of recounting his drunken exploits -- both old and new. Why he thinks anyone would care is a question that's never answered.

Perhaps if I had been familiar with the Morton book I would have enjoyed this one more, as the author is continually comparing Morton's descriptions of towns with what he encounters some 80 years later. As it was, I found Bennett's descriptions of his day to day travels exceedingly dull. His main observations seem to be that no one will pick up hitch-hikers in Britain anymore, and that the British are extremely fearful of apparently widespread and random, out-of-control violence that plagues everyone who dares to step outside their homes.

So I'm not sure if all the authors of the raving blurbs on the cover of the book read a different one than I did, or if maybe they needed some wildly inaccurate blurbs for their own book covers. At any rate, I found nothing humorous and very little of interest in this book. I really MUST grumble about being misled yet again!

Final Verdict for Mustn't Grumble: One Gherkin, for some descriptions of unfamiliar areas of Britain, but overall a gloomy and unamusing read

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Innocent or guilty?

While many people who wind up in prison claim to be innocent of the crimes they were convicted of, there are undoubtedly some who are unjustly imprisoned. The innocence or guilt of one woman forms the story of the film The Sculptress, based on the novel of the same name by Minette Walter.

Overweight Olive lives at home with her parents and beautiful sister Amber. One day the police are called to the home to find Olive covered in blood, and her mother and Amber dismembered in the kitchen. Since Olive is the only unharmed person present, she is arrested. She soon confesses to the crime and is sent to prison, where she earns the nickname "The Sculptress" because of the way the bodies were cut up. Funny, I didn't think artists routinely worked with meat cleavers and blood, but I guess that is the artistic temperament for you!

Enter Rosalind Leigh, an author who is commissioned to write a book about Olive and the murders. Rosalind is somewhat damaged herself, having recently endured the death of her young daughter. Because her husband was drinking at the time of the accident which killer their daughter, Rosalind has broken off her relationship with him. She's just starting to get on with her life when she gets the assignment to interview Olive.

Rosalind's first meeting with Olive in prison is uncomfortable. Olive is a hulking, unsmiling presence, and she is less than forthcoming when answering Rosalind's questions. Not even sure she wants to write the book, Rosalind nevertheless finds herself becoming intrigued with the case. As part of her research, she interviews the first policeman on the case. Hal Hawksley was so traumatized by the sight that greeted him in the kitchen that he left the police force and opened a pub. But strange things are happening at the pub, too . . .

As Rosalind digs deeper into the case, Olive becomes more of a sympathetic character. Rosalind begins to wonder, could Olive actually be innocent? There are certainly other possible suspects: Olive's father, a shifty neighbor, or and enemy of the lovely but sadistic Amber. As she attempts to investigate the case, Rosalind is convinced that Olive's confession was given in order to protect someone and that the police didn't do a thorough investigation.

At the same time, Olive is shifty-eyed and secretive. She tells sad stories only to deny them later. Is she truly innocent, or a master manipulator? Evidence is shown for both sides. And just who is her lawyer in cahoots with? And what does it all have to do with the many "accidents" that befall Hal's pub?

The interconnected events are eventually explained, although not all questions are answered. I know we were supposed to be left somewhat in the dark at the end of the story, but all of Olive's back and forth stories ended up leaving me more confused than conflicted!

Final verdict for The Sculptress: Three gherkins, for being a suspenseful, if somewhat unsatisfying mystery

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